I had my first ultrasound today. I’m around five weeksish along. I see my obgyn tomorrow after work for the results.
The technician, a chipper, nice,young lady assured us that she would not be able to tell us anything. We couldn’t ask her any questions. She did say that I’m right at the point where she could see something or nothing. One week or even a couple of days could make all the difference.
“First day of your last period?”
“And were your periods regular before then?”
“I was on the pill. June was my first month off.”
“Wow. At least you know you’re fertile!”
“Why did your doctor request the ultrasound? Were you having any issues or…?”
“I had some spotting and some pain.”
“About how many spotting incidents?”
She stuck a well-lubricated thing up my business, gently poked around a bit (though, rest assured, this was NOT comfortable).
“Okay, we’re done.”
“Is it hard to keep a poker face or are you used to it at this point?”
She laughed a little.
“Honestly, it’s nice. It protects me, in a way. Because what if I told someone something and I was wrong or the doctor had a completely different take on it?”
She wished us well. Pointed me to the baby wipes.
I went to the bathroom to clean up. I was bleeding. I immediately felt the urge to cry. After I dressed, I looked at her screen. I saw my name. Fetus: 1. Sac: some measurement I can’t recall. My husband immediately stopped me.
“Oh, hon. Don’t look at that.”
“One fetus, buddy!”
“I know the way your brain works. You’ll try to read something into it.”
I wanted to take a picure of the screen but I didn’t. I cramped up a little on the subway. My husband kissed my forehead. I smiled for a second.
“Well. At least if it’s bad news tomorrow, I can drink.”
“You can get WASTED. Have a bunch of martinis and brie.”
“All the soft cheeses I want.”
I say that and it’s kind of funny but we both know that’s not what we really want.