For starters, I’m okay. Truly. This is not my first or second rodeo. It’s my third. I’ve got these down. I’m pretty good at them at this point. Efficient, even. My OB asked me if I wanted to come in to double-check things like hormonal levels and I said “No, I got this. I’m good.”
I often think of the Seinfeld episode from Season 3, the Opposite Side, at the rental car place:
“You know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to hold the reservation.”
That said, I am the proud and immeasurably grateful mother of a perfectly healthy two-year-old.
If one Googles miscarriage foods, one is presented with a list of foods that could cause miscarriage. My list of miscarriage foods contains meals that I have found supremely soothing during such times. I have sought them out, had them delivered to me and sent my husband out into the world to find them for me. I highly recommend them.
If you never plan to have children and thus find this subject matter unrelatable, perhaps file it under comfort food during stressful times or consider these if a friend is upset.
I’ve always enjoyed my British friends’ way of saying “tuck into” in reference to a delicious meal. For example, I was sad this morning so I tucked into last night’s leftover pasta puttanesca and chased it with a sleeve of Oreos while watching an interview with Jennifer Garner on CBS Sunday Morning. It sounds so cozy and wonderful, which is, indeed, what the foods in the following list are. That said, double-stuffed Oreos would have been more satisfying. Go big or go home.
Without further ado, my favorite comfort foods during a miscarriage are as follows:
Shake Shack: ShackBurger and cheese fries. Forever and ever amen. The cheese comes on the side in a sizable container, which is nice. One can dip both the burger and the fries in the cheese. One can even lick any remaining cheese from the container, should one be so moved. The whole shebang fits tidily on a traditionally-sized dinner plate on one’s lap, as pictured above.
Cacio e Pepe: cheese and pepper pasta. I first experienced it at Eataly and it was life-changing. I have found a serviceable one here in Philly but honestly, I could probably make it myself with this recipe. Though, does one feel like cooking while miscarrying? No. Seamless, Caviar, Grubhub. These are my closest allies. There should be a checkbox for miscarrying on the Seamless interface. The delivery fee is then waived and a puppy accompanies the food. The delivery person returns in one to two hours to collect the puppy.
Slightly higher end pizza: I am certainly not above a dollar slice or a drunken three dollar slice; however, when miscarrying, I want something a bit fancier. With pesto, perhaps. Now is not the time to count pennies. Treat yourself.
Cheesesteak: onions, peppers, and all the Whiz, thank you very much. The Whiz is critical. I don’t know why. It just is. With waffle-cut garlic Parmesan fries? Don’t mind if I do.
A homemade cheese plate: full of all of the meats and cheeses a pregnant lady isn’t supposed to eat. Bring me your unpasteurized cheeses and smoked meats!
Booze: before my daughter, a filthy Ketel martini with bleu cheese-stuffed olives. Since my daughter: Prosecco or Pinot Grigio. One glass of anything simply won’t do. I have yet to meet an obstetrician who doesn’t encourage drinking during a miscarriage.
Dessert. Perhaps a Concrete (again, Shake Shack). Shake Shack should really have a miscarriage meal. Call it the Number Eight, for eight weeks. A miscarrying lady won’t have to rattle off specific foods while ordering. She says “I’ll have the Number Eight, please” and her order is immediately expedited and an employee brings over a warm compress for her lower back. Pregnant ladies shouldn’t have to wait for bathrooms. Miscarrying ladies shouldn’t have to wait to eat their feelings.
Another nice option is an ice cream sandwich. A Chipwich can be very satisfying.
These are just the initial meals at the onset of a miscarriage. They are followed closely by sushi, Italian subs and other foods one cannot have one pregnant. For if one is going to be sad and hormonal, why not enjoy all the things that one would’ve forgone had the pregnancy continued? I like to think the ladies going full-term would wish that for me.